A lot of societal ills can be traced back to the flaws in its most basic structural unit - the family. Conversely, the issue of domestic violence that occurs at home has a ripple effect that can be seen in social dysfunction as well as deterioration of democratic values.
When dealing with the minutiae of the issue of domestic violence, we often neglect the bigger picture i.e. the effect that a dysfunction on such a primary level has on society at large. According to the domestic violence policy brief (2023) by the National Commission for Human Rights (NCHR) in Pakistan, about 80% of the 63,000 gender-based violence cases reported were related to domestic violence in Pakistan. The actual number, however, could be much higher, as the report warned that their data was based on cases which had been reported while many such incidents are never reported. Until now, the public discourse around domestic violence has centred around debating the gender of the victim and the perpetrator, the definition of abuse, and to what extent should the abuse be criminalised. There is extensive and tedious amount of debate about how to frame the issue of domestic violence, completely indifferent to the outreaching impacts of such crimes.
While a husband and wife are commonly found to be involved in domestic violence cases, there are other victims too, namely the children. While research on the impact of divorce and single-parent households is often cited to maintain the status quo and disapprove divorce, research discussing the harrowing effects of growing up in dysfunctional households upon children is conveniently overlooked. As adults, the parents are equipped with social and psychological development as per their ages, but the children face a complete lack of control and agency due to their dependence on these very adults. The UK, in its 2021 Domestic Abuse Bill, recognised that children who were exposed to domestic violence as victims and not just witnesses. This was credited to research and study of statistics which showed the severe impact domestic violence had on the children’s short-term and long-term well-being.
Exposure to violence at such an impressionable, young age significantly contributes to the cycle of abuse. The violence between parents results in desensitisation and normalisation of such practices. It is hypocritical of us to criticise the negative impact of violent video games and age-inappropriate content available on the internet upon children, when we neglect to attribute the same levels of outrage and concern for other issues pertaining to them - out of school children, malnutrition, child labour or victims of child abuse and in this case, children as bystanders to violence between their parents. The non-interventionist approach towards domestic violence which reduces it to merely a “family matter” further exacerbates the shame and silence around the issue, encourages the abuser and teaches submission to the victims. The children, therefore, have very little legal and social reprieve in the matter.
Quite like the elephant being tied with a measly twine since a young age, all ideas of escape are snuffed out by the time it does become powerful enough to free itself, it is not a stretch to expect the same from children growing up in abusive households
Additionally, growing up in dysfunctional and abusive households results in deep-rooted psychological issues in children. Such children are vulnerable to a plethora of mental health concerns such as anxiety, depression and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It impedes their ability to form healthy relationships and increase their chances of mimicking the abusive relationship dynamics they were exposed to growing up. Children exposed to long-term domestic abuse may also lean towards harmful coping mechanisms such as drug abuse and alcoholism. Research shows that one in four Pakistanis suffer from mental health issues exacerbated by the inability to access help due to the social stigma attached to it. The family unit, the primary institution for socialisation of any human being, is failing at a fundamental level.
Furthermore, our deeply flawed democratic culture mirrors the working of a dysfunctional household. Due to our declining democratic standards, Pakistan has been downgraded to the status of an authoritarian regime by the Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) in 2023. In a dysfunctional household, you would find violence, abusive language, intimidation, poor communication, fear and lack of trust. These features can also be observed within our political landscape. The public’s response to these problems can be attributed to a psychological phenomenon called “learned helplessness”. It results from prolonged exposure to stressful situations where the individual feels powerless to change their situation and opts for inaction even when opportunities to escape the situation arise. Quite like the elephant being tied with a measly twine since a young age, all ideas of escape are snuffed out by the time it does become powerful enough to free itself, it is not a stretch to expect the same from children growing up in abusive households. The powerlessness that children experience in the face of such brutal injustice and cruelty in their homes remains ingrained and bleeds into the current state of affairs of our country.
One only has to observe countries ranking higher in democratic values indices and see how quickly their population expresses dissent and disapproval in the face of human rights violations and exploitative policies. The most relevant examples here would be the successful protests in Bangladesh and Sri Lanka in 2024, which showed how much individuals, especially the youth, can achieve when they recognise their power. In Pakistan, there are two or three political parties that can manage sizable political gatherings, however, one has yet to witness them practising true democratic norms, centred upon the rights and freedom of the individual. The lack of notable public protests for inflation, violence against religious and ethnic minorities, blatant corruption, mismanagement of resources, etc. may find some of its roots in the perfunctory or an “it is what it is” attitude that the majority is forced to accept in their very homes. Dysfunctional homes with their stifling environments discourage the development of strong moral compasses and replace it with either cowardice, hypocrisy or a strange mix of both.
The political and social turmoil in Pakistan is self-evident. Consequently, it has led many to offer radical solutions or complete rehauls to the existing system. It is perhaps also time we rethink the terms like “family system” and “family values” and question the utility and morality associated with them. One must also question if the very thing essential to the fabric of the society is the one leaving it patched,frayed and broken beyond repair.