Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them.

Nuggets from the Urdu press


Daily Jang (08 May 2017) reported that the spiritual guide (pir) Aijaz Qadri of the PPP’s Asif Ali Zardari claimed that if PTI chief Imran Khan came to his aastana thrice, he would be able to reach the highest elected office in the country.  He claimed to know what was holding up Khan’s ascent to the highest office.

Raising the stakes

According to Daily Jang (08 May 2017), a worker of the PML-N offered a reward of Rs. 200,000 for anyone who threw an egg at Imran Khan. Meanwhile, Usman Dar of the PTI offered a reward of Rs. 2 million for anyone who succeeded in throwing an egg at Shahbaz Sharif.

“Laptops or AK-47’s?”

Daily Express (09 May 2017) reported that Chief Minister of Punjab Shahbaz Sharif, responding to critics of the laptop distribution scheme, asked that if he did not hand out laptops, whether he ought to have handed out Kalashnikov’s instead.

Learning curve?

Daily Jang (08 May 2017) quoted PTI chief Imran Khan as saying that it took his party one year to understand the system when they came to power in KP. He went on to say that ‘Mian sahib’ ought to realise that inaugurating one road four times does not lead to real change.


It was reported in Daily Express (09 May 2017) that some police officers took loans from the national bank and then in order to avoid paying anything back, moved their salary accounts to other banks with the help of the Accounts Office. According to the report, the officials ‘forgot’ to pay their loans back.

Mochi number 1?

According to Daily Express (09 May 2017), MNA Jamshed Dasti from Muzaffargarh, as part of his outreach efforts to the people, sat down with a ‘mochi’ and began to clean people’s shoes. The report went on to say that he won the contest.

Legal mind?

Daily Jang (09 May 2017) reported that a lawyer of the High Court was arrested in Lahore for attempting to steal a car. The lawyer explained his involvement in such an activity as resulting from his inability to make ends meet.

Siraj-ul-Haq’s analysis

Daily Jang (09 May 2017) quoted the leader of the Jamaat-e-Islami, Siraj-ul-Haq, as saying that no aalim-e-deen (scholar of religion) or student of any madrassah was implicated in the Panama Leaks. He went on to say that offshore companies were made by people who studied in the modern (jadid) educational system, and that slaves of the West (angrez ke ghulam) had robbed the country with both hands.

Dire straits?

Daily Dunya (14 May 2017) reported that the CCPO Lahore requested 500 pairs of handcuffs from the IG of police. The report went on to state that due to a severe shortage of handcuffs, suspects were being presented in court tied with ropes.

Loyal Nisar

According to Daily Dunya (14 May 2017), Interior Minister Chaudhry Nisar claimed that efforts had been made many times to ‘buy’ him but that he had remained steadfast, neither selling himself nor bowing before anyone. He advised people to be wary of those who used the slogan of change (tabdeeli).