Ahlan wa sahlan, meray aziz humwatno. Maulana Abdul Aziz Lal Masjidi Burqaywali Sarkar is ambassador of coming raj of Taliban, so he has shifted in with me and your bhabi in PM’s house. In the dead of night, I tried to escape from PM’s house but Maulana caught me. “Where you are going, Mian Sahab?” he asked angrily. “Who me?” I asked nervously. “YES YOU!” Maulana shotted. “Actually, bathroom is coming. I am going there”. “With four Louis Vuitton suitcases, a treadmill and a fridge?” I thought uff pakray gaye, might as well tell the truth. “Actally, I am trying to escape, Maulana”, I told him. “Why?” he demanded. “I have two reasons for trying to escape. Firstly, if Taliban-government talks fail and the army operation starts, everyone will blame me”, I said frankly. “Astaghfirullah!” Maulana fulminated, “the Taliban are stronger than ever. They will defeat the Pakistan Army and take over Islamabad”, he thundered. “That’s my other reason for trying to escape,” I admitted.
Maulana didn’t give up. He kept pestering me. “Fact is Mian Sahab, that Mulla Omar and I are far more capable than you and Shahbaz Sahab of running the country and we will soon be Amir-ul-momineens of Pakistan”. “That’s fine”, I said, “and now please let me go to beloved Lahore”. “Fact is Mian Sahab, you have not proved your capability. Let me ask you a basic question: what is two plus two?” I replied, “whatever the Taliban say it is, Maulana”. “That is the correct answer”, Maulana said, “you can remain PM for a few more days.”
I rolled my Louis Vuitton suitcases back to PM’s room and spent an uneasy night. Naxt morning, Maulana called a dars (holy class) of the entire cabinet. He lectured us on the superb rule of Taliban in North Waziristan. Chory Nisar asked, “Maulana, what you say in very interesting but where have all the schools gone?” With that Maulana said dars is over and go back to work, everyone. Naxt morning, he had another holy class, and lectured us again about the glorious rule of Taliban. Surcharge Aziz Saab said, “Maulana, I don’t want to know what has happened to the schools but can you please tell me what has happened to Chory Nisar?”
Maulana didn’t give up. He kept pestering me. “Fact is Mian Sahab, that Mulla Omar and I are far more capable than you and Shahbaz Sahab of running the country and we will soon be Amir-ul-momineens of Pakistan”. “That’s fine”, I said, “and now please let me go to beloved Lahore”. “Fact is Mian Sahab, you have not proved your capability. Let me ask you a basic question: what is two plus two?” I replied, “whatever the Taliban say it is, Maulana”. “That is the correct answer”, Maulana said, “you can remain PM for a few more days.”
I rolled my Louis Vuitton suitcases back to PM’s room and spent an uneasy night. Naxt morning, Maulana called a dars (holy class) of the entire cabinet. He lectured us on the superb rule of Taliban in North Waziristan. Chory Nisar asked, “Maulana, what you say in very interesting but where have all the schools gone?” With that Maulana said dars is over and go back to work, everyone. Naxt morning, he had another holy class, and lectured us again about the glorious rule of Taliban. Surcharge Aziz Saab said, “Maulana, I don’t want to know what has happened to the schools but can you please tell me what has happened to Chory Nisar?”
NS