Trump zindabad! Here I come, 2018! Hooray for chauvinism, racism, misogyny and xenophobia!

Look at all those liberal American rats scurrying away from the US, fearing they’ll soon have to hunt, pray and shun their coloured neighbours, rushing across the border to that pinko Trudeau in Canada! Where else can they go? They can’t very well flee to Mexico because the Mexicans have built a wall to prevent American liberals from immigrating to their country.

When I become Sultan of Pakistan in 2018, you’ll see hordes of NGO workers, liberal arts students, environmentalists, actors, singers, artists, journos and progressive women applying for asylum in Mars. Because there’ll be nowhere else for them to go —- ahahahahaha! The whole of the Western world is veering sharply to the Right.

I can just see them – hundreds of progressives on rafts in the Arabian Sea off Karachi, led by Asma Jehangir, being tossed about on the waves! Ahahahaha! What a sight for sore eyes. When I send the Coast Guard to bring them in, they’ll clamour for paan and cigarettes and coffee!

I’ll put them all in re-education camps where they’ll be forced to watch ARY Television and there’ll only be one person on just the one show that’ll play over and over again – and that’ll be Sheikh Rashid.

There’ll only be one book to read and that’ll be “The World According To Donald Trump”. I don’t understand why there’s all this fuss about Donald. He doesn’t hate immigrants. Look at his Slovak babe Melania. He doesn’t hate women. He married three women and groped I don’t know how many. He doesn’t hate Muslims. He just abhors them. And he certainly doesn’t think elections were rigged – not now, at least. So what’s the big deal?

And just to let you know, I called to congratulate Donald. I assured him that there will be no terrorist attacks emanating from Pakistan once I become Sultan. “Whaddaya mean?” he asked. I said, “Armageddon”. He said, “Armageddon outta here!”

Im the Dim