Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them.

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Not cleared for take-off…

Daily Express (17 April 2017) reported that three young men, in a state of intoxication, drove a car into the fence of the runway of the Lahore airport. On being apprehended by police, they repeatedly described themselves as relatives of a member of the National Assembly.


According to Daily Express (17 April 2017), the DG of the Punjab Food Authority showed up at a restaurant in the guise of an ordinary visitor and asked to be shown the kitchen - as a customer and citizen. When the management refused to allow him to see the kitchen, he revealed his true identity and those running the restaurant scurried to cover up the situation and begged for leniency. The DG called a team of his staff to seal the restaurant right away.

Casual attire

Daily Express (18 April 2017) reported that the Senate Standing Committee on Health was shown a video of a doctor in Jhang district, in which he was performing surgery on a patient while dressed in a vest/undergarment (bunyaan). Orders were issued to begin legal proceedings against the doctor.

“Don’t steal my ideas!”

Former President General (retd.) Pervez Musharraf was quoted by Daily Express (18 April 2017) as saying that the China Pakistan Economic Corridor (CPEC) was his idea, and an achievement of his government.

Cow for the cause

It was reported in Daily Jang (18 April 2017) that in response to a curfew by Indian troops in Srinagar, aimed at preventing the display of Pakistani flags by Kashmiri youth, the latter painted a Pakistani flag on a cow using ink that is difficult to remove. According to the report, the young Kashmiris then set the cow loose, and it wandered the streets, warming the hearts of freedom-loving youth.

Modest proposal

Daily Jang (18 April 2017) described the advice by President Trump’s National Security Advisor Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster for Pakistan as follows: “let go of the proxy and take up diplomacy” (Pakistan proxy choray, diplomacy apnaye).

To err is human…

It was reported by Daily Dunya (21 April 2017) that Sheikh Rasheed, in a slip of tongue while discussing the Panama case, said that “Inshallah the PML-N will win.” He quickly realised his slip-up and mentioned the victory of the law instead.


According to Daily Dunya (21 April 2017), PTI chief Imran Khan kept counting his rosary beads (tasbeeh) while awaiting the decision of the apex court in the Panama case. When the verdict was announced, Imran Khan reportedly began to leave the courtroom in triumph, but when Babar Awan explained the judgement to him, the PTI chief appeared to be crestfallen and quickly left the room.

Teacher available

Rana Sanaullah, according to Daily Dunya (21 April 2017), was quoted saying that Imran Khan ought to quit politics (siyasat se tauba kar lein) or else to become his disciple/student (shaagird) – and that he was prepared to take him up if he chose the latter.


PPP leader Asif Ali Zardari was quoted by Daily Nawa-i-Waqt (22 April 2017) as saying that he would ensure the departure of Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, much as he had ensured General Musharraf’s ouster. Zardari added that Nawaz Sharif ought to go to Saudi Arabia or instead to Landhi Jail – and that he would send the latter rotis in jail.