Sitting on that toilet seat , she held that strip so tightly in her hands in hope of the second line of positivity to appear. And then, there it was: gradually, over a course of two minutes, drew up a second line. A positive pregnancy test it was.
That positive result grew a new beacon of hope in her, a ray of light. She rushed to her husband and hugged him tight. The news was just so special for both. Unable to calm herself down, she picked up her phone and rang her mum up. Everyone was just so elated.
And then two days later, a spot of red and all that happiness, all that excitement went down the drain. A spot of red and her hopes destroyed, her smile vanished. This time again she sat in the same place as she did earlier, waiting for her test result, but this time only in pain. Holding her severely cramping abdomen, she cried in agony. The pain of a miscarriage was what she was feeling. And then she expelled that tiny sign of life she was bearing. She stared down at those fleshy pieces which were supposed to grow into a small human within her. But God had other plans for them. She flushed not only those blood clots out but with them her happiness and she welcomed in a lot of anxiety and fear.
She went through the same experience; the exact same feelings four times in a row. Four times of seeing life in her turn to dust. Four times of absolute bliss turning into despair.
She was breaking down.
Every time she saw her daughter, she was reminded of her loss. The love of her life, her beautiful daughter, made her want to bear more children. But what was going to happen in future? She was just so unsure.
She was just so broken.
Unable to show to anyone what she was going through, she was walking through it by herself.
She decided to go through all possible tests She could and she did. Everything was normal – which was more upsetting, because in the medical field, it’s always better to have a diagnosis to treat rather than no diagnosis with nothing to cure.
Her obgyn said, “What can we do? Wait and see; leave it in God’s hand.”
But she was unaware as to what she was waiting for.
That evening, when she left the clinic so much realisation dawned upon her – as if she had never even known the purpose of this life before. She began to see the miseries of people, she started to read behind the eyes of all she met. The old guard sitting outside the restaurant wasn’t just an old man; he was a father of many children waiting for him at home to be fed. The old lady knocking at her window wasn’t an annoying beggar anymore; she was a desperate mother with a sick toddler hanging by her neck. That lonely uncle walking in her street wasn’t an old creepy man anymore; he was a sad father isolated by his children, who had just returned from his wife’s grave.
She saw that this life is an actual test. A test of patience, forgiveness, humility and gratitude. A test that everyone who breathes the air of this earth must go through. And though there was no medical diagnosis; she made her own diagnosis. She jumped on to that rope that God throws down for each beloved creature. But very few hold on to it.
She figured that the only medicine that was going to get her through this was hope.
That positive result grew a new beacon of hope in her, a ray of light. She rushed to her husband and hugged him tight. The news was just so special for both. Unable to calm herself down, she picked up her phone and rang her mum up. Everyone was just so elated.
And then two days later, a spot of red and all that happiness, all that excitement went down the drain. A spot of red and her hopes destroyed, her smile vanished. This time again she sat in the same place as she did earlier, waiting for her test result, but this time only in pain. Holding her severely cramping abdomen, she cried in agony. The pain of a miscarriage was what she was feeling. And then she expelled that tiny sign of life she was bearing. She stared down at those fleshy pieces which were supposed to grow into a small human within her. But God had other plans for them. She flushed not only those blood clots out but with them her happiness and she welcomed in a lot of anxiety and fear.
She went through the same experience; the exact same feelings four times in a row. Four times of seeing life in her turn to dust. Four times of absolute bliss turning into despair.
She was breaking down.
Every time she saw her daughter, she was reminded of her loss. The love of her life, her beautiful daughter, made her want to bear more children. But what was going to happen in future? She was just so unsure.
She was just so broken.
Unable to show to anyone what she was going through, she was walking through it by herself.
She decided to go through all possible tests She could and she did. Everything was normal – which was more upsetting, because in the medical field, it’s always better to have a diagnosis to treat rather than no diagnosis with nothing to cure.
Her obgyn said, “What can we do? Wait and see; leave it in God’s hand.”
But she was unaware as to what she was waiting for.
That evening, when she left the clinic so much realisation dawned upon her – as if she had never even known the purpose of this life before. She began to see the miseries of people, she started to read behind the eyes of all she met. The old guard sitting outside the restaurant wasn’t just an old man; he was a father of many children waiting for him at home to be fed. The old lady knocking at her window wasn’t an annoying beggar anymore; she was a desperate mother with a sick toddler hanging by her neck. That lonely uncle walking in her street wasn’t an old creepy man anymore; he was a sad father isolated by his children, who had just returned from his wife’s grave.
She saw that this life is an actual test. A test of patience, forgiveness, humility and gratitude. A test that everyone who breathes the air of this earth must go through. And though there was no medical diagnosis; she made her own diagnosis. She jumped on to that rope that God throws down for each beloved creature. But very few hold on to it.
She figured that the only medicine that was going to get her through this was hope.