Howzzat

Victory is within sniffing distance. Or so the Umpire tells me. And Pinky confirms. After all, perseverance commands success as my headmaster at Aitchison used to say.  Last night Pinky had a dream. There was an enormous throne and I was on high. I was wearing a huge glittering crown and I held Nawaz Sharif by the throat in one hand and Zardari in the other. There were lit ballas flanking us. Groveling at my feet was Naya Pakistan. Fanning me were women in diaphanous hijabs. And playing in the background was ‘God Save the Kaptaan.’  Huge vats of kaali daal were being prepared for distribution among the grateful poors. Gora ambassadors were lining up to kiss the ring that Pinky gave me to wear on my pinky. Unfortunately at that moment she woke up.

On waking your Future First Lady cracked a coconut on my head. Luckily my skull is very thick and withstood the blow. As you know there’s nothing inside it anyway. Then we walked hand in hand outside to feed fresh meat to the jinns. We came back in and she sat on one end of the bed and I sat on the other and we started talking to the walls. Other people’s walls have ears, ours have opinions. They assured me that I’m sadiq and ameen. As if I didn’t know. Your Future First Lady gave me a potion to ward off the evil eye of libtards, brown sahibs, goon leaguers, ex-wives, donkeys and other animals.

I picked up my phone to rattle off a tweet about liberal scum who are all sulking because I’m winning fairly and squarely as everyone knows. My tweets are becoming more and more like Donald Trump because as Donald, Mickey Mouse and I know, the Naya World Order has arrived. Just you wait, a new Dawn is coming. The old Dawn is banned.

Im the Dim