Ittefaq Nama

Ittefaq Nama
Look at, dekho zara! Haw Imran and Tahir ul Qadri have brought life and gormint to standstill. Naw they are saying they have been sending me messages. Yes, they have. One message after another to house arrest them. Why I should, hain ji? Question is for Canada, whose dual national Qadri is – haw you will like it if Pakistani does gherao of Canadian parliament and threatens all inside with woilence?

And Imran joo idiot, if you ask people to not pay taxes and bijli bills as long as I am PM, guess who they’ll want to be PM for a long time?

On Day Two, August 15, with no resolution of trumped up crisis in sight, I went to sleep. In sleep, I had dream. Imran arrived in Islamabad in his fancy, fitted container for his “Get Nawaz” jalsa. While he was giving his speech, I stole his container. Imran came to parking lot and saw container missing. He went back to jalsa stage and banged his fist on podium, “Oye Nawaz! Have you stolen my container?” Obviously, I didn’t answer. Imran banged podium again, “Alright, I’m going to give another long, incoherent speech, and if my container isn’t back by the time I finish, I’m going to do what I did during the elections in Lahore. And I don’t like to do what I did in Lahore!”

Then Imran delivered another long, delusional speech during which CM Khyber Pakhtunkhwa danced and his other stalwarts stood grimly, thinking, “better to be quiet and thought to be fools than to talk and remove all doubt”. Then Imran delivered his last line: “PMs and Pampers have one thing in common. And they should both be changed frequently for the same reasons”, and I quietly returned container to parking lot. Imran came out and found container, got into it and made to drive to his Bani Gala Palace for a night of R&R. As he was leaving, his mad spoters shotted, “before you go, tell us what you did in Lahore.”

“I had to walk home”. He also said, “the voices in my head may not be real. But they have some good ideas.”