I had just settled down to watch Down Town Abbey ki film ka trailer. Lady Mary, even though she’s a bit of a sarrhial, is my all times fave na. I put it on paws and said: ‘Why?’ ‘It’s her mother. She’s in I See You in Defence Hospital.’
‘Haw,’ I said, ‘why?’ ‘Heart,’ said Baby. ‘Sunny told us she’s had heart for lot many years. Don’t you remember?’
‘Yes, yes,’ I said, ‘it’s coming back to me now. She told us at that GT that time at Salma’s where Mulloo spilled malta juice on my new Muse ka jora. Jaan kay…’.
‘Haan, that one only,’ said Baby. ‘Yesterday tau Sunny’s mother was so bad they thought she was going to aspire right there and then. They rushed her to hospital and now she’s in I See You being kept alive on vibrator. And she’d just been to London for check up and all. And doctors said she was fit faat! They did all tests shests, ego test, stress test, cardiogram, everything. Charged such exuberant fees, Sunny told me. They nearly went bangrupt. And now doctor here is saying that nearly all her art trees are blocked.’
‘Dekho zara!’ I said, ‘These gora doctors should be hamstrung. Vaisay Mummy is right. Goron ka standard kuch nahin raha. Remember Margaret Thatter with her helmet hair and her pearls and her brooches? So much robe she had, so much class. And just look at this Boris with his creased, dheela suits and his demented hair and his joker face. Can’t even afford a comb. I’m sorry, but such total non identities. Even Carson, that head bearer from Down Town Abbey has more presence!’
‘Chalo, we better go and see Sunny’s mother in I See You quickly’, Baby said.
‘I know. Before we have to go and give condolence for her sad dismissal…’
Down Town Abbey will have to wait.