Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Sheikh Rashid is like a tonga


Railways Minister Saad Rafiq tells Khabrain that Sheikh Rashid is like a tonga with no passengers. His only passenger is Imran Khan.

Victims of their own greed


Hasan Nisar writes in Jang that the people who were robbed by clerics in a recent Mazarba financial scam were extremely greedy. They should have been suspicious of such a high interest rate. The promised returns were so high, they would have made even a snake suspicious.

Lahore will soon become Pakistan’s capital


Saleem Safi says in Jang that if you are a Pashtun, you are among the most anathematized citizens of Pakistan. The arrival of Turkish Prime Minister Tayyab Erdogan in Lahore shows that it will soon be declared Pakistan’s capital.

Meera meets Punjab governor


Reported in Express, film actress Meera met the governor of Punjab and tried to impress him with her broken English (tooty phooty angrezi). She sat on the governor’s chair and was asked to get up. Then she asked for a 20-acre piece of land for a hospital.

They once wagged their tails before Musharraf


Talking to Jasarat, Chaudhry Shujaat says all those who are criticizing former military president Pervez Musharraf used to wag their tails before him when he was in power.

Army and Taliban are friends


Reported in Jasarat, Syed Munawar Hasan says there is no need for a military operation in North Waziristan. Military operations are carried out to please the US, and result in increased terrorism in Pakistan. The army knows the Taliban and the Taliban know the army. They are friends. Why is there a need for a military operation?

Pakistanis and pornography


Izharul Haq writes in Dunya that Pakistan is the citadel of Islam, but it is also on top of the list of countries where people watch pornography on the internet.

Kasuri got Bhutto hanged, but will save Musharraf 


Reported in Express, Ahmad Raza Kasuri says he sent Zulfikar Ali Bhutto to the gallows, and now he will save Pervez Musharraf from going to the gallows.

Veena Malik’s marriage is sign of doom


Commenting on Veena Malik’s marriage in Khabrain, Sheikh Rashid says it is a sign of doom (qayamat ki nishani).

Veena Malik will rip off her husband


In its column Sare Rahe, Nawa-e-Waqt says Veena Malik will stay with her husband for a while, and then rip him off and run away.

How to get free food


Zafar Iqbal writes in Dunya that Chaudhry Shujaat has said vegetable prices will come down if people start growing their own. People should first buy large houses, and if they can’t then they should occupy other people’s lands. They will land in jail, where they can get free food.

A larger begging bowl

Quoted in Islam, Liaquat Baloch of Jamat-e-Islami says Asif Zardari took the begging bowl to the IMF and the World Bank, but Nawaz Sharif’s bowl is much larger.

Presidential portrait price-hike


Daily Jasarat reports that the government spent Rs 1.5m from the national exchequer for portraits of President Mamnoon Hussain. The previous government had spent Rs 0.9 million on former president Asif Zardari’s portraits.