Congratulations! My government has taken another step towards the Dark Ages. We are fulfilling our pledge to the people of Pakistan: “we will drag you kicking and screaming to the medieval past where you will have no recourse to books or learning or freedom or prosperity”. And while I’m at it, I will ensure the passing of the baton to the new Most Hated Personages In The Whole Of Pakistan. This will be my immortal legacy, remembered for centuries to come. It will be commemorated thus by future generations:
July 25 (the day the RTS system broke down): Yaum-e-Qatl-e-Intikhabaat.
August 18 (the day I was sworn in): Yaum-e-Aghaaz-e-Zavaal-e-Pakistan.
August 19 (the day my reign began): Yaum-e-Shurooaat-e-Safar-e-Na-Umeedi.
August 20 (Day 2 of my reign): More Na Umeedi.
August 21 (Day 3): Yet More Na Umeedi.
And so on and so forth. I can assure you I will be on the cover of Time, Newsweek and The Economist. “Pakistan’s Final Solution: Unforgettable Reign Of Incompetence And Mismanagement”. Having achieved this, I have now directed my Minister for Science and Technology, Chaudhry Einstein Stephen Hawking to immediately discover the long-awaited Coronavirus vaccine. However, Chaudhry Einstein Stephen Hawking says he will need a Supplementary Grant of Rs 100 billion, so I’ve asked my Finance Whizz John Maynard Keynes Sheikh to issue the grant. He’s somehow reluctant to do this and for no good reason except the paltry excuse that there’s no money. Well get the money from somewhere, I ordered, and went off in my heli for a joyride.
The next day both ministers came to me and slowly explained as one does to children why it was not possible to go ahead with the Coronavirus cure. Apparently, a vital component of the vaccine is lard. And you know how that’ll set off The Pious! “So, what are our options?” I asked. “We have one great option, Your Glorious Recklessness, and that is to order nationwide prayers for the Kafirs to instantly discover the Coronavirus vaccine.”
Im the Dim
July 25 (the day the RTS system broke down): Yaum-e-Qatl-e-Intikhabaat.
August 18 (the day I was sworn in): Yaum-e-Aghaaz-e-Zavaal-e-Pakistan.
August 19 (the day my reign began): Yaum-e-Shurooaat-e-Safar-e-Na-Umeedi.
August 20 (Day 2 of my reign): More Na Umeedi.
August 21 (Day 3): Yet More Na Umeedi.
And so on and so forth. I can assure you I will be on the cover of Time, Newsweek and The Economist. “Pakistan’s Final Solution: Unforgettable Reign Of Incompetence And Mismanagement”. Having achieved this, I have now directed my Minister for Science and Technology, Chaudhry Einstein Stephen Hawking to immediately discover the long-awaited Coronavirus vaccine. However, Chaudhry Einstein Stephen Hawking says he will need a Supplementary Grant of Rs 100 billion, so I’ve asked my Finance Whizz John Maynard Keynes Sheikh to issue the grant. He’s somehow reluctant to do this and for no good reason except the paltry excuse that there’s no money. Well get the money from somewhere, I ordered, and went off in my heli for a joyride.
The next day both ministers came to me and slowly explained as one does to children why it was not possible to go ahead with the Coronavirus cure. Apparently, a vital component of the vaccine is lard. And you know how that’ll set off The Pious! “So, what are our options?” I asked. “We have one great option, Your Glorious Recklessness, and that is to order nationwide prayers for the Kafirs to instantly discover the Coronavirus vaccine.”
Im the Dim