Mulloo called early this morning. Very angry she was. ‘Zara dekho in Amreekans ko. They always give us prizes for betraying our country.’
‘What prize?’ I asked. It was only 11 am, after all. You know na that I don’t take calls before 2 in the afternoon. I thought maybe some Pakistani scientist’s admitted on American TV kay glaciers are melting in Pakistan and he’s been rewarded Noble Prize for that. I know about glaciers because Kulchoo’s always telling me they’re melting in our mountains like ice lollies in June ki garmi (vaisay why people are leaving ice lollies in mountains, I don’t know).
But no, Mulloo meant Sharmeen Chinoy and her Oscar.
‘First she makes that film about acid victims and she gets an Oscar for that,’ she said, ‘and now another Oscar for honour killings. You are seeing what I am seeing?’
‘What you are seeing?’
‘Oho baba, I’m seeing if you do unpatriotic criticisms of your country, you get rewarded and if you do praises they damn care.’
‘She also made a film of praises?’ I asked.
‘No stupid! She didn’t make a film about praises because she’s not a proud, patriotic Pakistani like me!’
‘Are you making a film of Pakistani praises?’ I asked.
‘I’m not making film but if I did I’d talk about nice, nice things like spring kay flowers and literary festivals.’
‘Like the literally festival in Lahore that got cut short?’
‘Aik tau you also na. Always biting the hand that feeds you.’
‘Haw Mulloo, when did you ever feed me? Last time we went for lunch I paid, okay? And if you’re such a patriot, then why don’t you set up a school, haan, or something useful like that instead of bitching about others who’re actually changing things? You’re just jealous.’
‘And you’re just obsessed with the west, ji. Why don’t you pack your bags and go there?’
‘Why should I go anywhere? You go. No one will miss you. I certainly won’t!’ And I banged the phone. Patriot my foot!
‘What prize?’ I asked. It was only 11 am, after all. You know na that I don’t take calls before 2 in the afternoon. I thought maybe some Pakistani scientist’s admitted on American TV kay glaciers are melting in Pakistan and he’s been rewarded Noble Prize for that. I know about glaciers because Kulchoo’s always telling me they’re melting in our mountains like ice lollies in June ki garmi (vaisay why people are leaving ice lollies in mountains, I don’t know).
But no, Mulloo meant Sharmeen Chinoy and her Oscar.
‘First she makes that film about acid victims and she gets an Oscar for that,’ she said, ‘and now another Oscar for honour killings. You are seeing what I am seeing?’
‘What you are seeing?’
‘Oho baba, I’m seeing if you do unpatriotic criticisms of your country, you get rewarded and if you do praises they damn care.’
‘She also made a film of praises?’ I asked.
‘No stupid! She didn’t make a film about praises because she’s not a proud, patriotic Pakistani like me!’
‘Are you making a film of Pakistani praises?’ I asked.
‘I’m not making film but if I did I’d talk about nice, nice things like spring kay flowers and literary festivals.’
‘Like the literally festival in Lahore that got cut short?’
‘Aik tau you also na. Always biting the hand that feeds you.’
‘Haw Mulloo, when did you ever feed me? Last time we went for lunch I paid, okay? And if you’re such a patriot, then why don’t you set up a school, haan, or something useful like that instead of bitching about others who’re actually changing things? You’re just jealous.’
‘And you’re just obsessed with the west, ji. Why don’t you pack your bags and go there?’
‘Why should I go anywhere? You go. No one will miss you. I certainly won’t!’ And I banged the phone. Patriot my foot!