Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them.

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Not on Maulana’s watch!

Daily Express (09 Jan 2017) quoted JUI(F) chief Maulana Fazl-ur-Rehman as saying that the Jewish lobby was conspiring against the wellbeing, independence and Islamic identity of Pakistan. He went on to say that PTI leader Imran Khan is working on the agenda of the Jews, but that he will not permit him to succeed at this.


Imran Khan on the ‘Motu Gang’

According to Daily Express (09 Jan 2017), PTI leader Imran Khan assured participants of a rally that his tsunami was on its way. He said that Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif’s Fatty Gang (Motu Gang) had lied so much that its faces had been distorted (jhoot bol bol kar shaklein badal gai hein) and could no longer be recognised even by their own parents.


Sherlock Holmes in Pakistan?

Daily Express (09 Jan 2017) quoted Pakistani stars as expressing their suspicions regarding the circumstances of Bollywood giant Om Puri’s death. The concerned Pakistani stars were reported to have expressed their theory that Puri’s death was due to his love for Pakistan. They also expressed their wish that his death be probed not by Prime Minister Modi’s police but by international institutions.


Too much baggage?

The leader of the Awami Muslim League, Sheikh Rasheed, was reported to have said that he is a suicidal politician (khud-kush siyasatdan) and that he carried a coffin (taboot) with him. According to Daily Jang (09 Jan 2017), he went on to commit to participating in yet another dharna protest by Imran Khan.


The struggle continues…

Addressing a student convention of the Anjuman Tuleba-e-Islam (ATI) in Lahore, the leader of the Jamiat Ulema-e-Pakistan Qari Muhammad Zawar Bahadur stated that an Islamic revolution was knocking on the door of the world. According to Daily Jang (09 Jan 2017), he urged the youth to struggle hard against secularism in Pakistan. The Secretary General of the ATI also addressed those gathered at the occasion, saying that today a lack of modesty (be-hayai) was being considered enlightenment, even though this so-called (naam-nehad) progress and light was leading us towards darkness.


Bilawal’s plans, according to Manzoor Wassan

Manzoor Wassan, Sindh’s provincial minister for Industries and Trade, stated that PPP leader Bilawal Bhutto Zardari would not be married before 2018. According to Daily Express (10 Jan 2017), the wedding would take place after victory in the 2018 general elections, and that it would be celebrated with great fanfare (dhoom dhaam). Wassan said the PPP leader would also go on his honeymoon within Pakistan and that his bride would be smart and beautiful (smart aur khoobsoorat) like Bilawal.


Saving Pakistan?

PTI chief Imran Khan was quoted by Daily Dunya (11 Jan 2017) as saying that articles 62 and 63 of the Constitution must be implemented, and that the departure of a corrupt parliament will mean that the country will be saved. He went on to emphasise that whether or not a single member of Parliament remains, Pakistan must be saved.


Lawyers vs Dolphin

According to Daily Dunya (12 Jan 2017), a scuffle broke out between lawyers and an operative of the Dolphin Force from a dispute over the parking of a car. As things got physical, the lawyers reportedly tore up the policeman’s uniform.


Jingoism sells in Bollywood?

Daily Dunya (12 Jan 2017) reported that the inclusion of Pakistani stars in Bollywood’s Filmfare Awards led to much discontent in certain circles of Bollywood. An award-winning filmmaker was quoted (unnamed) as saying that she would not attend or accept any awards at a ceremony which included Pakistani artists.


Shahi Syed’s Draconian measures

Daily Dunya (14 Jan 2017) quoted Senator Shahi Syed from the Awami National Party (ANP) proposed that politicians who drink alcohol should be sentenced to death, while hashish (chars) was a bad thing but it was the drug of dervishes. He went on to say that ‘Black Label’ was mentioned a lot these days, and that it must be prohibited. He also proposed a ‘DNA Test’ for politicians.