At former Punjab Governor Chaudhry Sarwar’s advice, I’ve made a shadow cabinet. For our first shadow cabinet meeting, we pretended Pakistan was bankrupt like Greece. “What are we going to do, Khan Sahab?” my cabinet members asked me. “Well, first we’re going to rename all the Greeks islands. One’s going to be called Kalamitos, the second’s going to be called Disastros, the third Impecunios, the fourth Skintos, and the fifth Runoutofeuros. In fact, the entire region should be called the IOU-nian Isles.”
Everyone was delighted at my solution of the Greek crisis.
Then we began to talk of the shadow cabinet’s health policy. I said I had a brilliant idea for the old and ageing. “I know the perfect anti-ageing medicine”. Everyone was delighted to hear of my miracle cure. “It’s a cyanide tablet”, I said and everyone was dumbstruck with delight.
And then I began to drone on and on about my hobbyhorse, that tabdeeli revolution thingie. But then the moderates in my shadow cabinet began to mount a challenge. Shah Mahmood Qureshi shouted, “What do we want?” The others chanted, “Gradual change”. SMQ shouted, “When do we want it?” The others chanted, “In due course.”
I quickly changed the subject and announced that I was having an intelligence quiz for the shadow cabinet. “Name a famous knight”, I said. Shah Mahmood Qureshi replied, “Sir Lancelot of the Lake”. Everyone looked at me. I said, “Sir Rhosis of the Liver.”
Then I told everyone that the crisis in the Middle East was growing by leaps and bounds. And that I had no option but to offer to mediate. I would call on my ex-in laws’ connections, and get the Queen of England to talk to the Saudis and ask them to get off Pakistan’s case. “But what will she say to them?” my shadow cabinet asked. She’ll begin as she always does, “My husband and I …” and the king of Saudi Arabia will reply, “My wives and I …”
I’ll write her speech, but from right to left as in Arabic: “sikaP gniknits fo chnuB.”
Everyone was delighted at my solution of the Greek crisis.
Then we began to talk of the shadow cabinet’s health policy. I said I had a brilliant idea for the old and ageing. “I know the perfect anti-ageing medicine”. Everyone was delighted to hear of my miracle cure. “It’s a cyanide tablet”, I said and everyone was dumbstruck with delight.
And then I began to drone on and on about my hobbyhorse, that tabdeeli revolution thingie. But then the moderates in my shadow cabinet began to mount a challenge. Shah Mahmood Qureshi shouted, “What do we want?” The others chanted, “Gradual change”. SMQ shouted, “When do we want it?” The others chanted, “In due course.”
I quickly changed the subject and announced that I was having an intelligence quiz for the shadow cabinet. “Name a famous knight”, I said. Shah Mahmood Qureshi replied, “Sir Lancelot of the Lake”. Everyone looked at me. I said, “Sir Rhosis of the Liver.”
Then I told everyone that the crisis in the Middle East was growing by leaps and bounds. And that I had no option but to offer to mediate. I would call on my ex-in laws’ connections, and get the Queen of England to talk to the Saudis and ask them to get off Pakistan’s case. “But what will she say to them?” my shadow cabinet asked. She’ll begin as she always does, “My husband and I …” and the king of Saudi Arabia will reply, “My wives and I …”
I’ll write her speech, but from right to left as in Arabic: “sikaP gniknits fo chnuB.”
Im the Dim