Why does the media consistently fail to shower me with adulation? If they can adore and idolize other dictators in this realm, why not me? I was so baffled by their behavior that I wrote off to that other neighbourhood autocrat, the Pasha on the Bosphorus, for his advice.
He wasn’t long in responding. First, he wanted to know, why I had shunned him for that other tyrant in the Land of Sand. Was he, the Pasha, not tyrannical enough for my liking? He said he had tried not to take my rejection personally but it was hard to get away from the impression that I rated him low on the despotic scale.
“No, no, no!” I replied vociferously, “I have enormous respect for your sublime repressive policies. I am a huge admirer of the way you have stifled dissent and crushed the opposition. It’s just that some people have really creative and profoundly profound ways of muzzling the media. I’m sorry but you simply haven’t been able to match that magnificent level of brutality.”
The Pasha spluttered and stammered, “you’re being unfair! You just don’t realize how repressive I can be!”
“Ok, ok, ok”, I sighed. “I’ll organize a summit in Islamabad on how to further emasculate the Press, end human rights once and for all, and having killed the Opposition, bury it for all times to come. You can be the keynote speaker.”
I had barely got off the phone from the Pasha when I was inundated by my government’s failure stats. Revenue collection shortfall, soaring inflation, plummeting popularity, alienation of the provinces, foot in mouth disease of my stalwarts, and on and on and on.
Clearly, it’s not only the media that needs an urgent massacre. I must immediately set up a committee on “How And Where To Slaughter And Liquidate The Bureaucracy Which Is The Constant Bearer Of Bad News.”
Let me call the Pasha and ask if I can send some guests to our Consulate.
Im the Dim
He wasn’t long in responding. First, he wanted to know, why I had shunned him for that other tyrant in the Land of Sand. Was he, the Pasha, not tyrannical enough for my liking? He said he had tried not to take my rejection personally but it was hard to get away from the impression that I rated him low on the despotic scale.
“No, no, no!” I replied vociferously, “I have enormous respect for your sublime repressive policies. I am a huge admirer of the way you have stifled dissent and crushed the opposition. It’s just that some people have really creative and profoundly profound ways of muzzling the media. I’m sorry but you simply haven’t been able to match that magnificent level of brutality.”
The Pasha spluttered and stammered, “you’re being unfair! You just don’t realize how repressive I can be!”
“Ok, ok, ok”, I sighed. “I’ll organize a summit in Islamabad on how to further emasculate the Press, end human rights once and for all, and having killed the Opposition, bury it for all times to come. You can be the keynote speaker.”
I had barely got off the phone from the Pasha when I was inundated by my government’s failure stats. Revenue collection shortfall, soaring inflation, plummeting popularity, alienation of the provinces, foot in mouth disease of my stalwarts, and on and on and on.
Clearly, it’s not only the media that needs an urgent massacre. I must immediately set up a committee on “How And Where To Slaughter And Liquidate The Bureaucracy Which Is The Constant Bearer Of Bad News.”
Let me call the Pasha and ask if I can send some guests to our Consulate.
Im the Dim