I recently heard of an 87 year old having it off with an 86 year old. How commendable. I also heard that Nawaz Sharif has called for a joint session of Parliament. But I digress. I shouldn’t be thinking of drugs but of the drag. The long drag I’ve planned on August 14 when I’ll be dragging everyone from here to there, and then onwards to nowhere.
I’m preparing the truck on which I’m going to ride. On it, there’s going to be a PTI flag, a giant portrait of me, SMQ, JKT, LMC, SMKTH, BBC, CNN, LBW and most importantly ISI and GHQ. Not on my truck will be BBZ, HRCP, PPP, ANP, JWP, PMLN, JW Marriott, JP Morgan, MK Gandhi, MA Jinnah and most importantly, TuQ. In the truck there’ll be my weekly supply of peanuts and bananas which I’ll eat on my perch, throwing the skins down to the teeming masses for their delectation. The press accompanying us will bring their own picnic lunches consisting of Beghairat Burgers, Brown Sahib Sandwiches, Nasty Naans and Ghaddar Kababs.
God knows how the press will play it. Many amongst them are liberal scum like their counterparts all over the world. Just look at the insatiable British press publishing topless photos of the royal baby. But back to Nawaz’s joint session. He wants me to call off the march and talk to him about my concerns. My precondition is that Nawaz Sharif must not have preconditions.
Some of my stalwarts are saying we should do our homework thoroughly before we embark on the long march. Nonsense, I say, homework is for women. Which reminds me – Pakistan should be like Saudi Arabia, that paragon of democratic rights. And in case you think they’re anti-women, they’ve improved vastly. They’ve decided that they’re going to let women vote – in the next local elections but they can’t drive there.
We’ll have a wonderfully destructive long march and fall like a ripe apple into the waiting arms of the generals while the rest of the world is busy with silly things like hope, prosperity, opportunity and freedom. For my speech, I’m taking a leaf out of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” declaration. “I have a nightmare …”
I’m preparing the truck on which I’m going to ride. On it, there’s going to be a PTI flag, a giant portrait of me, SMQ, JKT, LMC, SMKTH, BBC, CNN, LBW and most importantly ISI and GHQ. Not on my truck will be BBZ, HRCP, PPP, ANP, JWP, PMLN, JW Marriott, JP Morgan, MK Gandhi, MA Jinnah and most importantly, TuQ. In the truck there’ll be my weekly supply of peanuts and bananas which I’ll eat on my perch, throwing the skins down to the teeming masses for their delectation. The press accompanying us will bring their own picnic lunches consisting of Beghairat Burgers, Brown Sahib Sandwiches, Nasty Naans and Ghaddar Kababs.
God knows how the press will play it. Many amongst them are liberal scum like their counterparts all over the world. Just look at the insatiable British press publishing topless photos of the royal baby. But back to Nawaz’s joint session. He wants me to call off the march and talk to him about my concerns. My precondition is that Nawaz Sharif must not have preconditions.
Some of my stalwarts are saying we should do our homework thoroughly before we embark on the long march. Nonsense, I say, homework is for women. Which reminds me – Pakistan should be like Saudi Arabia, that paragon of democratic rights. And in case you think they’re anti-women, they’ve improved vastly. They’ve decided that they’re going to let women vote – in the next local elections but they can’t drive there.
We’ll have a wonderfully destructive long march and fall like a ripe apple into the waiting arms of the generals while the rest of the world is busy with silly things like hope, prosperity, opportunity and freedom. For my speech, I’m taking a leaf out of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” declaration. “I have a nightmare …”
Im the Dim