Nuggets from the Urdu press

These nuggets are culled from the Urdu press. They are summarised here without comment. Absurd or ridiculous, tft takes no responsibility for them. Illustrations by Saadia Gardezi

Nuggets from the Urdu press

Punjab Law minister’s mobile phone stolen


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Reported in Nawa-e-Waqt (June 26, 2014), new Punjab Law Minister Rana Mashhood’s mobile phone was stolen from his car. It contains text messages and call records of his official communication. He has informed the cybercrime department of Punjab Police.

Shoaib Akhtar wanted to marry me: Meera


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Reported in Express (June 27, 2014), Meera says Shoaib Akhtar wanted to marry her, but she was too busy making films in India. His wife’s name is Rubab, which is also Meera’s middle name, and that is proof that he was in love with her.

Cricketers asked to pay more taxes


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According to Nawa-e-Waqt (June 27, 2014), the Income Tax Department has written a letter to 26 banks to recover tax from cricketer Umar Akmal. Misbah-ul-Haq has asked for more time to pay Rs 3.9 million in outstanding taxes.

Lahore’s historic Moonlight Cinema will be razed


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Express reports (June 28, 2014) that the historic Imperial Cinema in Lahore has been razed, and will be replaced with a mall. The cinema was built before independence, and was earlier called Moonlight Cinema.

The battle over AG office 


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Reported in Jang (June 28, 2014), when the new accountant general of Punjab arrived at his office to take charge from the existing accountant general, the latter declined to leave the office saying he had a stay order from a court. The argument between them (talkh kalami) worsened into a fight after their supporters gathered and started chantig slogans, and the police had to intervene and rescued the outgoing accountant general (ba-hifazat nikala).

Displaced family names son Azab Khan


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According to Ausaf (June 29, 2014), a family displaced by the Zarb-e-Azab military offensive in Waziristan named their baby Azab Khan. The boy was born at a hospital in Bannu.

Up to Rs 20 billion in taxes were received ‘on paper’


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Reported in Dunya (June 30, 2014), the Federal Board of Revenue faked its collection by receiving an extra 15 to 20 billion rupees only on paper (kaghzi wasooli). A five member probe committee declared the error a typing mistake.

NAB wants anti-corruption lessons in schools 


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Reported in Nawa-e-Waqt (June 30, 2014), the National Accountability Bureau has decided to speak to textbook boards to include lessons about malfeasance in school curricula. In a meeting, officials of the bureau said 59 laws had been made against corruption in the last 65 years, but none of them worked.

Indian politician arrested for saying Pakistan Zindabad 


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According to Jang (July 1, 2014), an Indian politician was arrested for chanting pro-Pakistan and anti-Narendra Modi slogans (Pakistan Zindabad, Narendra Modi Murdabad) in the Uttar Pradesh province. Mahmood Alam, who belongs to the Samajwadi Party, was drunk. In the complaint, he has been accused of treason, among other things.

Indian terror suspect wants brain chip removed


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Reported in Dunya (July 1, 2014), the Indian police has inserted a computer chip in the brain of a Muslim terror suspect, making him a robot. He told a court that he could not sleep, and heard insults (galiyaan sunai deti hain). The court has ordered a CT scan.

Pakistani youth abandoning religious identity


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Quoted in Dunya (July 2, 2014), British actor and rapper Ashley Chin, who has converted to Islam, told a gathering in Karachi that the young people of Pakistan are abandoning their Muslim identity. He was on a preaching tour, but had to leave early because of security concerns.

Women break window to flee Darul Amaan


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Reported in Jang (July 2, 2014), three women in Larkana fled the Darul Amaan – a shelter for women who need security from their family – after breaking a window and crossing barbed wire using their dupattas. Two watchmen and four policemen have been arrested for neglect.